Welcome back for the conclusion of Chasing the Flash. Last time we ended when Eddie, worried I was out to get him, transferred to a different firehouse.
With Eddie gone we were assigned a tramp each following shift to take his place. A tramp in Minneapolis is a term for a firefighter, female or male, sent to a different station than their regular assignment.
My tramp for the day was Joe, who had a side gig refinishing wood floors. I was in the middle of a massive remodel at home. In an attempt to find some common ground, I mentioned the reclaimed wood floors I was having installed.
“Sweet,” Joe said. “I’d love to take a look and give you a bid.”
“We already have our floor guy.” I said.
“Sweet,” he said again. “Still, I’d love to come take a look.”
I talked to our contractor to see if we could switch. Next I discussed hiring Joe with my partner. She was hesitant but I was persistent.
I remember saying, “I have to use my firefighter brother.”
She gave in and Joe came to ‘take a look’. He ripped up part of the floor and after saying ‘sweet’ several times he scribbled a bid on his official business stationary. We had a beer on the patio. We found a time slot that would work with the schedule and we hired Joe. I remember thinking, this will smooth things over at the station.
And it did, for a while. It was fun having Joe in the backseat. We talked about wood floors and I shared pictures of our incoming countertops and our amazing maple island. I ate with the crew at dinner and Joe wore his mask when fighting car fires..
On the day Joe was scheduled to rip up the old floor and install the new one, his employee showed up at my house. He let me know he would get started and Joe would be there later for the install. I retreated to the basement. Thirty minutes later his employee knocked on the basement door.
“I called Joe,” he said. “We’re gonna walk away from the job.”
I assumed he meant they couldn’t work on it today and would finish tomorrow.
He continued, “It’s a harder job than we thought. We’re not coming back.”
I went to the basement and called Joe. “Joe your guy says you’re not doing the job. You realize I scheduled you in. I fought with my partner to get you this job.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to say you’re going to do what you said you would do.” I admit my voice was not calm.
Joe hung up.
I called my friend, also a firefighter and in law school.
“He can’t do that,” she said.
“He’s doing it.”
“No. I mean it’s against the,” (insert legal terms) “you can sue him. Is the guy still there?”
I ran to the window and saw he was sitting in his truck in the driveway.
My friend said, “Turn on your phone recorder and go talk to him about what just happened.”
I did it. I didn’t think I’d sue but I recorded our conversation.
I called and texted Joe trying to work something out. I hired the original floor guy again but now he had to postpone another job and it was going to cost me. It put our remodel back a week and it put me in the doghouse.
Joe ignored my calls and texts. I was mad. I knew Joe would never treat a brother the way he was treating me. I felt dismissed.
I sued and I won. Yes, I sued my firefighter brother.
Shortly after, I got a text from Bettie, the same woman who voted against me at the union meeting. She wrote, Is money worth so much to you that you would sue our brother? I felt misunderstood, shamed. Sometimes I wish I had made a different choice. Suing Joe changed my career. Not a lot, I got paid the same. I put out fires and saved lives. I had always been treated somewhat less than, which continued. I still fooled myself and chased the flash, but not as much. I no longer believed I could be part of the team. Especially when the bullying started.
The bullying from the brotherhood happened on the fireground and on Facebook. Subtle aggressions at fires like purposely dropping the hose when we were connecting couplings or ignoring my direction. It continued for a year. The membership rallied around Joe in a Facebook post by suggesting they collect the money he owed me in pennies. Some went so far to make racial comments (I was leading a fire academy for young people in the East African community) by proposing they collect shillings. No one asked: why did our brother break his commitment to a firefighter. Is it because the firefighter is a woman? Maybe no one asked because we already know the reason. Women are valued less and we, not only in the fire department but in our society, accept it. We let it slide.
I wasn’t sure I would be able to continue at the fire department. I transferred to a slow station, out of the action and into the quiet. And then the energy suddenly shifted. It was like the flash reflecting a shiny object in the distance. One of the men defended me on the Facebook-bully comment stream, and then the bullying stopped. One comment. He wrote, ‘She won the lawsuit, maybe she’s right.’
I’m thankful for him. I felt like I caught the flash without chasing it. The little energy it must have required for him to stand up for me and the huge impact he had baffles me. I wish we didn’t need the good guys to stand up. I wish we could see that it is not gender that gives us the courage and the ability to fight a fire. It’s heart.
No matter how often women show we belong; the fire department is steadfast in tradition to prove we don’t. The good guys must stand up. Good guys don’t stand by and let bullies, bully. I wish the good guys would be good guys. All of them—everyday. It’s where men can be heroes and not just firefighters. Why limit us as brothers or sisters? While the brotherhood excludes us, sisterhood keeps us separate. It will be a flashy fine day when we finally become the sibling-hood.
Have you been bullied at your workplace? Has someone stood up for you and made a difference or have you stood up and made a difference? I’d love to hear about it.
Captain Tracy Moore is a retired Minneapolis firefighter and the author of the soon to be released novel, The Fire She Fights.
For the next blog we’ll switch gears. I hope you’ll come back to read a cut-scene from the novel. It’s a story where women will inspire you and remind us, women firefighters are extraordinary.
Tracy,
It truly can just take one other person to change the entire trajectory. Which is why it is so infuriating when everyone just hides when its time to stand up for whats right.
I have so many stories similar to this. What gave me hope was when we hired a guy as a fire inspector just 8 years ago. He quickly moved up the ranks and is now our Chief. I was adamant that I was going to change our toxic culture and when he supported me, others followed. Isn’t it a relief to even just have one person who has a backbone?
I hate that you have gone through this. I hate that males are brought up being told that females are “less than”. I think things are changing but it is so slow. But people like you are the reason it is happening. Calling out bad behavior is how change happens. It creates accountability. Way to go sista!
Thanks Sue. I wrote these stories to encourage others and your comment encouraged me. ❤️ You’re super lucky to have a chief who knows how to lead. Minneapolis has a new chief and I’m excited to see his leadership improve the department.
Wow, thank you for sharing this story- part three had my stomach rolling. It reminds me of moments from my past where I felt the need to let the bully “win” by removing myself from said situation – whether that meant moving, switching schools, or quitting jobs. I got tired of running from them and eventually had to show up for myself and be the kind of woman I preached others to be… one that stood up for injustice and myself. A woman that would stop living her life in fear and take control of her reactions to the hate in others- this is the kind of bravery I see in the woman behind this blog.
Great message, beautifully crafted, and heart fully shared. Thank you!!
Thanks for commenting Mandy and yes standing up can get tiring and none of us choose to fight every time.
There have been times when I let something slide. Most of the time I get more tired of not standing up. Confronting an injustice or simply stating that an injustice has occurred is rejuvenating.
Although my 30 year career was in ‘Corporate America’, my parallel path and the (not surprisingly!) similar situations rang out like a clarion call as I read this 3-part blog. Thank you for illuminating these situations – giving credit – and taking responsibility. I am so grateful for your courage and your great storytelling Tracy!
In our current culture, it can be so much easier to just sit back – or simply look away from old ‘institutions’ as they are imploding/changing before our eyes/hearts. It is often difficult to imagine that one FB post – one comment – just one person can make a HUGE impact. Thank you for reminding us that we can ALL be ‘the good guy/gal’ – and that the trajectory of change IS HAPPENING (even if it is slower than we would like to see). Can’t wait to read more……
Yes Cathy, thanks for highlighting the importance of one small act or comment. It did change the trajectory for me and gave me hope in the goodness of people. It’s there and when people have the courage to stand up for kindness it can change the world. It has already.